The first days and weeks, let alone the first semester and year of college are a huge transition which means it may take a lot of adjusting to feel comfortable in this new environment. Here are some ways for incoming students to mentally prepare as September gets underway.

Drop the Comparison!

First things first: to quote Theodore Roosevelt, “comparison is the thief of joy.” Most people start their freshman year with many hopes and dreams (as they absolutely should – those are great) but they also have pictures in their minds based on their favorite TV, movies, and social media. Your teammate from field hockey looked like she had the best ever freshman year at college! Your family friend went to a million parties and looked so well put together even for class. Your older sibling got straight A’s and made the Dean’s list! YES! Everyone seems like their first semester at their school was perfect and amazing and that is how yours HAS to be too. HOWEVER, you are only seeing the highlight reel in everyone’s life, those actors on TV are 30, not 18, all of those movies have wardrobe and makeup artists, and your sibling never slept and developed insomnia. This comparison does not make your life better. Focus on you and ask yourself what is most important and realistic for you to have a balanced fun and educational first year that won’t burn you out.

Accept that parts of this will be hard.

With so many people making their first year look so easy and fun(see above), a lot of people fail to explain that the first year of college is very difficult. Think of how many things are changing for you. You don’t live at home; in some cases nowhere near at all, you have to find your own meals, you have to get yourself to class and activities without any help. You are meeting brand new people everywhere you go. Classes are taught and graded differently. Most of all, you are in charge of doing most things all by yourself now. This is not easy or straightforward and there is a lot of learning and adjusting that has to happen.

Roommates.

Woof. This one might be the biggest source of stress for the greatest number of college students. You are not sharing a room with a family member; this is (in most cases) a complete stranger. By all means, join the groups and find someone who is a good match for you, but you need to figure out what makes a good roommate match versus a good friend match because in many cases, they are not at all the same.

Consider the following:

When the semester begins, really sit down and talk with your roommate and explain your boundaries and non-negotiables. Let them know your confrontation style before they ever see it. Will you go silent and stonewall or will you start slamming doors? How can you both/all work to avoid that arising. Plan to be comfortable bringing in your RA to mediate if needed, but a solid plan is a really good way to start, even if it seems like your roommate starts out a perfect match.

I know how old this could make me sound, but MTV’s Real World said it  beautifully: “find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real.”

People aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.

The phrase a lot of my college student clients have been using is “main character energy.” However, I think it is important to remind young adults in a new situation that you are your own main character and most people are busy being their own and not thinking about you as much as you might imagine. Yes, if you have an interaction, the other person will be thinking about you in that moment and a little beyond, but in most cases, their lives are not going to change and you will most likely not be on their mind 10  minutes later. It is developmentally appropriate for 18 year olds to be worried about what other people think of them and it is appropriate to start challenging that concern. How much do you think about the person who crossed the street at the same time as you or who ordered their coffee before you? WIth all that in mind, please go feel free to eat in public (like the dining hall). If you study best outside your room, go find a spot in the library. The surrounding students will mostly likely have their minds very far from what you are doing.

Relax that perfectionist voice.

Perfectionism is a tricky and cruel boss to have and it is more widespread than valuing flawlessness and demanding the absolute best from oneself. If we get rid of the more literal definition for perfectionism, and understand it to be more about an imagined ideal that a person holds for themself, it is easier to see and understand; more people who would never describe themselves could end up resonating with this concept than expected. In this case, perfectionism isn’t about redoing a paper or project multiple times because of smudge or other small errors. Rather, the most frequent example I see is when the thought of a paper, an exam, or a big project is so overwhelming and too scary to imagine completing exactly as you would want it to be, it ends up being avoided altogether and turned into major procrastination. There are a lot of great ways to work on this (like in therapy!), and simply knowing it happens to you, is a big first step to working on it.

Get support!

Did you know that your college wants you to graduate? If you learn what your university’s resources are, chances are there are therapists, disability access specialists, academic advisors, and many other people and offices to help you finish your degree. Seek them out and take the brave step of asking for help!