I have seen the challenges of being a first year student year in and year out as a therapist on a college campus; it is big, it is real, and it is valid. College therapy spaces are prepared for it and are immense sources of support. 

If only there was something those first time college parents could have access to, as well!

With that in mind, I want to use some of my 8+ years as a college therapist to help parents get through this adjustment slightly less scathed. 

Talk it out! Tell your rising Freshperson that you are excited for them, you know they have the tools to have a great first year, AND that they do not have to do it alone. Tell them what you worry about and prepare. Are you worried they won’t call you? Make a plan – decide what day of the week and time of day they can expect you to call. Agree on signs your child might be having a hard time and how you all plan to intervene.

***If your child already struggles with mental health, this plan should be robust. Identify and schedule clinicians before classes start, learn the school’s leave policy, consider Tuition Insurance , and go through some likely scenarios. A lot of college students don’t want to or don’t know how to tell their parents when they’re really suffering. Let them know that you support them no matter what and that their mental health is more important than grades.

Does your rising first year student know how to get in touch with supports? Are they willing and able to make phone calls when they need therapy? Want to talk about birth control? Want to switch their major? Figure out what areas of your teen’s life could use some independence education and learn together about where to go for whatever needs arise.

Figure out some boundaries. Are there some questions your kids do not like you asking? What is ok and what will cause them to ice you out. Do they want you to check in on grades? Would it be better for everyone if you did or did not have access to that information?

When are you going to see them? Will you be coming out to campus for parents’ weekend? If you can’t make it can you come up with alternative plans? Discuss how often your kid thinks they will visit home and what holidays you expect to see them.

Take care of yourself! Being an empty nester for the hard time is a huge transition for you – not just your college student! It is ok to have all of the feelings, even if some of those are excitement and joy! You and your family have worked hard to get to this moment so give yourself some credit!